08 February 2011

carry me

Tonight's bedtime rituals were interrupted by a toe injury.

And even though there were no visible wounds to show for it, my big, brave, swashbuckling, lightsabering, dragon-slaying wonder boy was completely dissolved into a puddle of devastation.

I tended to his hurts for what seemed like an appropriate length of time, but the tears lingered on.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm tender-hearted toward my kids, but after a certain point, I maybe tend too much toward the "buck up, little soldier" drill-sergeant attitude. Keep calm and carry on. Time heals all wounds. Hurt now, cry later. All words I've lived by.

Such was my attitude when, after a good 10-minute cry, he didn't want to walk on his hurt toe.

"Carry me, Mama," he wailed.

And as I picked him up, I couldn't stop myself thinking how silly it was to let him indulge in this pity party. It was such a minor injury, after all... there wasn't even a mark on his foot. It probably didn't even hurt anymore. And besides that, lugging him around makes my back hurt.

But somewhere between the kitchen and his bed, I remembered all the times I've asked to be carried.

The times that I've all but disappeared into bitterness and hurt and disappointment and unmet expectations and anger and the list goes on and on...

Carry me, Lord.

He could have told me to "man up." He could have told me that my hurts didn't matter in the long run since they're bound to burn up someday with the rest of the dross of this world. He could have chided my worries and fears for their idleness.

And, oh, the wounds He suffered! How He could have shamed me by showing me the nailprints in His sweet, sinless hands!

But He did none of those things. He knew the time, this night, would come when I would learn all those things.

Instead, He just carried me.

He rested me, His little lamb, across His shoulders and He carried me.

All the way to the cross.


What wondrous love is this,
That caused the Lord of bliss,
To bear the dreadful curse
For my soul, for my soul.
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!