15 June 2009

never a dull moment

Well, I am happy to announce that today I made a major breakthrough in the mama-of-2-under-2 department.  That's right, folks... I went to grocery all by myself.  Well, except for both my kids.

Quick question... do all babies come standard with butt-in-chair radar or is it just the ones who live in my house? Even the kiddo, who is clearly no longer a baby since he now understands that passing gas is beyond hilarious, gets mad at me when I sit down.


So I managed to blaze a trail through Kroger with Kiddo in the cart, Bebe in the sling, and myself in a state of frenzied lunacy wondering if we could make it back home without one of them having a 4-alarm meltdown or a blowout diaper.  Or both.  It's been known to happen.

I'm pleased to report that all went well.  We even squeezed in a pit stop at Sonic for a Wacky Pack.  I only got a Diet Dr. Pepper since I decided I really am serious after all about getting back into my skinny clothes.  Sigh... Oh, and Bebe only screamed her alveoli out for about 3 minutes of the whole trip home.  She gets so mad when you stop the car that I'm afraid of even tapping the brakes usually, but the Kiddo was a gem at the grocery, so I thought he deserved something greasy.  And I was a gem too, so I deserved that Diet Dr. Pepper.


The real trick, as it turns out, is getting the groceries unloaded and put away.  The kiddo wasn't a problem.  He was starving and sat right down to eat.  Bebe was completely over being in her car seat, so she helped me bring in groceries.  I managed 3 bags per trip and was about to expire by the time I finished.

This is when the meltdown occurred.  It seems Bebe was also starving, so I had to take care of that while my frozen chicken puddled on the counter.

Nobody asked if I was starving (I was).  Nobody cared if I got to eat lunch (I didn't).  Oh well.  Actually, the kiddo did say, "Mama.  Mmguh, mmguh?" which translates roughly, "Ain'tchu gonna eat, woman?"  The answer was no, but I didn't know that yet.

After he finished his lunch and Bebe finished her lunch I did manage to get the perishables put away before Bebe was again dissatisfied.  Since I had to sit down with her anyway I decided it would be an excellent time for the Kiddo's nap.  So we all retired to his bed to watch some Baby Einstein.  After some tears and a few threats, both kids were asleep so I commenced to performing my usual nap time miracles and became an indiscernible blur racing through the house at the speed of sound accomplishing as much as possible before one kid woke up.  Or both at the same time.  Again, it's been known to happen.  A lot.

I dashed into my bathroom to pick up the clutter that always seems to materialize while I'm trying to get ready to go somewhere and as I leaned over to pick up a strand of beads that had found their way onto the other side of the toilet I noticed some funny spots on the floor.  That's when an unusual smell hit me.  So I  turned on the light only to confirm my suspicions that, yes, it was in fact puke.  Puke that had been there for a while.  Puke of which I had no knowledge until that very moment.

So, either the kiddo snuck off into my bathroom to have a little private upheaval or else it was the handiwork of some rogue upchucking bandit.  Some rogue upchucking bandit who happened to have had the same mid-morning snack as my firstborn.  Yuck.  He never came and told me anything unusual, I never smelled it on his breath, and there was no evidence of it on his clothes.  Pretty good for a 21 month old.  It was just mysteriously there in the bathroom floor.  

Anywho... you never wake up planning to clean mystery vomit off the floor, but as a mom you have to accept that it just may be in the cards for your day.  The only other thing I can say about it is kudos to him for barfing in a place where I wasn't likely to step in it.

So, cheers to a good and productive day.  Cheers to my first potentially difficult outing with both kids going off without a hitch.  Cheers to having at least one clean spot on my bathroom floor.  And cheers to typing almost the entirety of this blog post with one hand.  See? Having 2 small children is doing exponentially more for my patience than I could have ever imagined.