oh the half has never yet been toe-d

Please hold to a minimum any and all comments pertaining to the freakish nature of my toes and/or the fact that I could, if I wanted to, swing from or climb trees. It hurts my feelings.

This was the highlight of my day today.

And when I say highlight, I mean the thing that happened which most made me want to commit some illegal action requiring time served in a penal establishment.

It all started with the trash can. Or, no... wait. It all started with the amount of trash in the trash can. But my family's excessive-trash disorder is another post altogether.

So, the first problem was too much trash in one bag. The second problem was the el cheapo con economisto a la carte trash bags which create an UNREAL, I mean like space capsule to shuttle level suction, amount of suction with the sides of the trash can.

Does NASA use suction to hold those two things together? Are capsule and shuttle even the right words? I have no idea. Space lingo isn't really my thing.

Anyway, after breaking a sweat and attempting to create some amount of leverage with my knee, I went back to a very delicate strategy which I've formulated after many years of research.

I pulled it really, really hard.

Long story short, I pulled, the bag might have budged a little, the trash can came up with it, I got mad and slammed it back down.

...

...and this is what I got.

It hurts. But I'll be ok. I only considered calling ye olde hubby and telling him off for 5, maybe 10, minutes. Not that it was his fault. Verbal violence just seemed to be a better option.

It's fortunate for the UPS guy that he didn't stop by until later.

I fixed my toe, by the way.

It feels much happier now. Thanks for asking.

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not for the faint of heart

1 January 2010.

0134.

An unmarked holiday on most calendars, but which is emblazoned on mine (at least mentally) each and every year it seems.

Guiltfest.

Here I am at the jumping off place. Looking down the barrel of an intensely loaded list of resolutions that has been growing exponentially with each passing day for the past couple of weeks...

Start a running program

Eat better

Take vitamins

Organize my house

Read my Bible

Pray more

Drink more water

Plan a budget

Keep a budget

Plan meals

Go to the grocery once a week

Blah

Blah

Blah

Every day it's something new that I didn't think of yesterday. Something I want to change and better about myself. Something that I want to stop hating about myself. Something that I know I can do but I'm not sure if I can do.

I know I'm taking a blog break, and I hate to be such a Debbie Downer in this once-in-a-blue-moon post, but today has been a hard day.

A day that started like every other day has for the past couple of weeks. With the Kiddo waking up at 0830 and beginning his reign of terror. And ending with a New Year's Eve party of sorts at my in-laws' house to which I wore very little makeup and where everyone was happy but me.

At the end of this long, sad day, it's hard for me to see anything but tears and spankings and time-outs and quiet times and harsh words and loud voices and a very frazzled mama.

And the only consolation I could find as I sat, crying, at his bedside while he slept is that he won't remember that I didn't used to be like this. And what a double-edged sword that is. He won't remember that so much changed so very quickly and I became this exhausted, impatient person that I am now. No, he won't remember... but I will.

And so, really... if the running plan falls through and I keep eating garbage and not drinking water. If I forget forever to take my vitamins and I run out of money every month due to my lack of planning. If I never ever fit into that stupid blue dress in my closet again. If my house still lies in shambles at this time next year...

What I really want out of 2010 is fewer nights where I lay in my bed wondering if I'm good enough. If the punishment was too severe. If it was really so important that he stop banging on that pan. If it really mattered if he climbed up in a chair to look at the pictures on the refrigerator.

If he knows how much his mama loves him.

What I really want out of 2010 is to live joyfully and light up my children's lives with happiness. I don't want to be angry and impatient. I don't want to yell and scream. I don't want to feel like I'm going to pull my hair out. I don't want to be so wasted and worn out by the end of the day that I can't stand the sight of my kids.

I just want to be better.

I want tomorrow to be a better day than today.

And every day after that to follow suit.

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sabbatical

It occurs to me on this rainy Tuesday that I have become somewhat of a delinquent blogger. It's not that I don't like the idea of updating and maintaining a blog, I honestly just refuse to take the time right now.

Taking time to blog would mean staying up unnecessarily late to do so or pretending that I have free time during the day. If I'm going to stay up unnecessarily late, I'd much rather be re-learning how to knit or teaching myself how to piece a quilt or just sitting and zoning out on a TV show for an hour or so. And I don't call free time "free time" during the day, I call it much-needed and much-cherished kid time. Because when I'm not doing the things that running a home a caring for a family demands of me, I'm enjoying playing and holding and rocking and teaching and hands-on loving my children much too much to sit down and stare at a computer for any significant amount of time.

So, while the idea of keeping up with a blog that people enjoy reading is nice and having a set-aside place where I can keep my creative juices flowing with the possibility of real live feedback has been great... I just have to be realistic and say it ain't gonna happen with any great frequency at this point in my life.

And so, while I have no plans to shut my blog down or anything highly dramatic that's going to show up in next weeks OK! magazine, I am officially acknowledging to all the 2, 3, or maybe 4 on a good day month that I'm not updating my blog as often and probably won't be making any new blogging habits anytime soon.

Because right now the only habits I'm successfully cultivating is brushing my teeth before bed and showering.

Occasionally.

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2 Poetical Notions by Megan

Ode to Dryer

Oh, thou ancient dryer rusted

With thine heating coil now busted

This alone is my excuse

My laundry obligation is loosed

(At least for tomorrow)

Amen.

---

Dryer, Revisited

Thou sittest askew in my laundry room

How could I have realized this impending doom?

Alas, a load of whites I must start

In anticipation of replacement parts.

Sigh.

Grumble.

The end.

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2 years in the rearview...

September 4... two years ago... at 7:20 PM... I met my little man.

I fell in love instantly because... well, just look at this face!

And then I blinked and this happened...

I didn't give him permission to fly in on all that growing business, but we were singing Happy Birthday to him just the same.

I decided to never blink again.

But I did... and now we're singing Happy Birthday to him again. And he's all grown up and painting rockets...

And feeding french fries to ducks...

And stealing my heart over and over again.


Happy birthday, dear one!
You may be Daddy's big boy, but you'll always be Mama's baby.

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