5 steps to fancy

This weekend, ye olde hubby and I enjoyed an annual tradition in our town called the Parade of Homes. I don't know if other cities have these or not, but it is just so much fun.

Basically what happens is this:

Some rich people hire rich builders to build big fancy houses for them and then they decorate them real pretty like and clean them up to look like nobody's every actually lived there (which is true in some cases). And then they open them up to the (paying) public and probably go on expensive weekend trips while most of the surrounding area's population tramps through their house in paper booties.

The part about the expensive weekend trips is something totally from my imagination, but it could happen.

Either way, the whole thing really caters to my voyeuristic tendencies. And I mean that in the least creepy way possible.

Anyway, so all of this fanciness has me thinking about fancy things and how I can become more fancy because, as we all know... I am all about velvet ropeyness.

I've done some research and here's what I've come up with so far:

1. Put adhesive plastic on all of my carpet.

Why is this fancy? Well, I'm sure in the big, new, fancy houses, they put down adhesive plastic on the carpet in an attempt to keep hicks like the hubby and myself from tracking stuff all over their carpet (with our paper booties?) while also letting us know in a subtle sort of way where we're allowed to walk.

I should interject here, and please try not to be too impressed, that I do indeed live in a 25+ year old house (paneling and macrame planter hooks included) with original carpet in some areas, so needless to say, I am not overly concerned with keeping said carpets pristine.

No, I have another reason for the adhesive plastic. A much better reason.

Because walking on it feels a lot like walking on bubble wrap.

Totally awesome. And decidedly fancy.

2. Put a faucet over my stove.

Oh, sure there are no water hook-ups there, but who's to know?

3. Rip all the covers off my books or turn them inside out and bind them in stacks with twine or ribbon.

Ok... this one I really don't get. Is this some kind of Martha Stewart/Pottery Barn/uniformity/prettiness factor thing going on here? If anybody knows, please inform me. It was actually sorda cool looking, but hubby won't let me do it. I already asked.

4. Build a separate wing for my children.

There weren't really any separate wings in the homes we toured this year, but I was surprised at how far away people put the master bedroom from their children's rooms. On different floors even! The humanity! You mean people actually sleep separately from their kids? You mean people actually keep their identities? And their sanity? And any hope of normal life ever again?

...

I digress.

5. Buy something like this for Le Bebe...


Yes, that's a crib. And for a cool $4, 000... it can be yours.

Yes, $4,000.

No, the horses aren't included.

Nor is the promise that you're daughter will marry into royalty.

And I don't know if it turns into a pumpkin at midnight.

We went for the chic, the simple, the traditional, the hand-me-down 100% totally free style of crib. And considering neither of our children slept a single night EVER in it, I'm really glad we decided against the Cinderella-mobile.

I've totally veered from the home tour, but this looks sorda like something you would see in one of those houses... and let's face it, if people are going to heat and air condition their barn, a $4,000 baby crib wouldn't really surprise me at all.

Anyway...

I'm sure some people would read all of this as sour grapes or some kind of jealousy. Sure, I would love to be able to have all of the pretty things I've ever wanted to look at every day. I'm not ashamed to admit that.

But jealous? Oh, no.

Our house may be small in comparison. It may be older. It may lack all the attention to detail and all of the special touches. It has numerous flaws. It has missing paint and spots on the carpet. It's dusty and cluttered and fingerprint smudged. It doesn't sit on a ridge overlooking hundreds of sprawling acres. It doesn't have a grand staircase or a breathtaking balcony or a theater room. The trashcans and tooth brushes are out in plain sight, for heaven's sake...

But it's home.

And it has some of the best views I've ever seen.










See what I mean?

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a list - bridal version (except number 10)

My day consisted of a Bridal Fair with 6 other chicks, lunch with 6 other chicks, and wedding dress shopping with 7 other chicks... we picked up a straggler.

It has left me feeling not only estrogenically charged, but also maybe a tiny bit wiser. Here are some things I learned:

1. How to drive a car with the gauges in the middle of the dashboard. It felt very European. I was tempted to drive on the wrong side of the road, but I thought better of it since I was in someone else's car and there was a pregnant lady riding shotgun.

2. Starbucks 3 times within a 36-hour period is a totally safe thing to do. Except for my waistline and my bank account.

3. Raspberry suckers make your lips blue.

4. The statute of limitations on giftcards intended for other people is apparently right around 2 years. I totally agree with that rule. We should legislate it.

5. If you're the middle person sitting in a group of 5 people, conversation takes extra effort. I was up for it, though, because of all the Starbucks.

6. I've either truly reached adulthood or I just don't have the time/mental capacity to be a jealous chick. Or maybe I just don't care. I'm leaning toward that option.

7. The whole bridal industry has an alarming amount of lingo with which I am not at all familiar and which seems to be 90% French. I'm sure everyone was impressed with my input of things like, "Ooooh, I really like that one with the little bead-y things down on the floofy part and the bunched up stuff up on the boob-ish part!"

8. Lingerie portraiture just seems like a bad idea to me. It's just one feather boa away from being skanky.

9. One word: Elope.

10. Lotion may or may not affect the proper working order of a laptop's touchpad.

Signing off.

So long, Little Joe...

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not a sound from the pavement

I've been reading through some of my old journals that I started keeping (with no great regularity, mind you) in elementary school.  What struck me most about looking into the past is how little I remember.  I have to make a serious effort to dredge up any real memory of things so huge that I felt the need to write out highly dramatic accounts of them several years ago.

The conclusion I reached in reading my journals (other than I was a heathen and should have been ashamed of myself most days) is that my memory? It sucks.  A lot.

I've always been semi-aware that I have a bad memory for most things and I know for a fact that most of the stuff I learned in school I retained just long enough to pass the test, but I would have figured I would remember things about my own life.  Especially things that caused me to write things like, "My mind is lower than it's ever been..." and "This may well turn out to be the worst weekend of my life..."

I also made some reference to being a "mature, graceful 14 year old woman," but that's beside the point for now.

I can't believe I was ever that over the top and dramatic.  Reading stuff like that just makes me want to set myself on fire.

My memory is strongest when it comes to remembering what I wore on most important occasions (the first time I met the hubby... green and white Hawaiian print shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top) and some not-so-important occasions (hubby's first pre-op consultation before having his hernia repair... blue sailor-style pants and white henley).  Thank goodness for that ability of memory because it comes in handy loads of times.

So anyway... all the thought about my dwindling memory got me to wanting to remember and even trying to remember any random details I could dredge up about my childhood and young life.

Here's some stuff I came up with:

My mom used to sleep in a purple and white gingham nightgown.

When I was little and we would visit my great-grandmother (my paternal grandfather's mom, Grandma), I would always dash into her "formal living room" to feel of one particular pillow.  It had embroidered strawberries and vines on one side, but the other side was dark green velvet.  It felt amazing.  Also in that room was an antique secretary with old dolls in it.  They weren't for playing with, but she let me look at them from time to time.  The toys for playing with were in the closet in her den, which was actually meant to be a bedroom.  The closet had a sliding door and it always came off its track.  She also had some of those old metal Coca-Cola trays with pictures of smiling rosy-cheeked women on them.  Maybe they were supposed to be coasters.  I just realized I really want some of those...

One of my other great grandmothers (I was blessed to know 3) babysat me fairly often when I was little.  This was my paternal grandmother's mom, Granny.  She kept RC in her fridge and we would drink it with a splash of lemon juice from tiny little juice glasses.  She also always had mini Snickers.  I can remember which cabinet she kept them in.  It was kid-level.

I remember a science lesson about sound waves which inspired my dad to drive to my grandparent's down the road from us, stand in their driveway, and ring a cowbell.

These are the things I've come up with so far.  This remembering thing is a lot tougher than you'd think.

Senility should be a blast.

I'll be the most mature and graceful old lady in the nursing home.  Look out Bingo Night, here I come! Ask me what I wore to shuffleboard 3 weeks ago!

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Oh bother...

Here's a not-comprehensive list of the well-meaning (maybe) advice and comments I received when I was pregnant with the Kiddo:

1. "Your life is never.going.to be.the same."

This one doesn't get me as much as the tone with which it was often delivered.  It was almost malicious... almost in I'll get you, my pretty... and your little dog, too! fashion.  So, did these people want to make me dread parenthood in general? Are they really so miserable in their parenting roles that they actually relish in the idea that another couple is going to be pulled down into their tar pit? And besides that, doesn't it seem kind of asinine? I mean, we were adding another human to our household... it kind of goes without saying that the family dynamic is gonna change.

2. "Are you sure there's only one in there?"

I'm huge.  I get it.  From what I've read, that's supposed to happen.  Let's move on.

3. "Just you wait until you get into your third trimester, you won't feel so great then."

Again, the malevolence! The unpleasant woman who said this to me might as well have gotten up in my face and shook her finger at me.  I'm truly sorry that some women don't feel the greatest when their pregnant and, at this point, I can sympathize, but that doesn't make me want to rain on another woman's parade.  Because, really, who does it help?

4. "You better enjoy sleeping now because once that baby gets here, you'll NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!"

Once again, doesn't it seem kind of obvious that my sleep patterns are probably going to be affected by a person whose pineal gland has never been fully affected by daylight and dark? And NEVER? Really? It's beginning to feel like people really want me to be scared of my child.

5. "Once you're in labor, you're gonna want the drugs."

We all know where I stand on this and what ended up happening with the Kiddo's birth, so I won't re-hash it.  I have to add, though, that of all the times I heard this particular comment, my favorite was when I heard it from a young, unmarried woman with no children.  And, yes, she did actually say it like she knew something I didn't.

6. (and similarly) "Once you're in labor, you're gonna be screaming and cussing at David and you won't want him anywhere near you."

Ugh.  No comment.

7. And here's my favorite ever... it was actually a conversation which took place between two older ladies as if I were nowhere in the vicinity:

"She looks swollen, doesn't she?"

"She sure does, and not just her ankles either... her face is swollen, too."

"I think she should probably see her doctor to make sure she doesn't have... oh... ummm... whatever that is that messes with your kidneys."

"Preeclampsia?" I interjected.

"Yes, preeclampsia," they both replied.

"Yes, I think she should definitely ask her doctor about that."

"Mmhmm..."

*This conversation took place at an outdoor baptism in mid-August.  It was about 347 degrees and had been for the past 2 months.  And I had already had tests for preeclampsia more than once at that point.

------

Now, to switch gears just a smidge, here's a list of things I've heard during this pregnancy so far:

1. "Boy, are you gonna have your hands full."

*See the previous #1.

2. (directed at the Kiddo) "Getting a little brother or sister sure is gonna clip your wings." or "I can't wait to see how this one handles competition."

I'm not even going to get started on how much I hate hearing these sorts of things.  I have never even seen sibling rivalry in my family (at least not among actual children).  I'm not saying it doesn't happen or that it won't happen in our home; what I am saying is that it's never been put up with and it most certainly won't be put up with here.  And furthermore, why do people seem to want to see sibling being jealous of one another? It really seems like they enjoy it.  So, I got started.  But I'm going to stop now.

3. (and similar to last time) "You sure are gettin' a belly on you!"

This is my grandmother's very favorite thing to say to me.  I'm glad she told me because I was really beginning to wonder where my toes had gone.

4. I guess this is my favorite from this time around.  I fully expected to get a lot of "So, was it an accident?" or "Did you mean them to be so close together?" but we haven't really heard much of this.  However, pretty early on, this is what we got from one of my hubby's uncles:

"So, I guess you figured you might as well just go ahead and get it over with..."

Hahaha... yeah, somethin' like that.

-----

My point in making these lists is to point out what I've never heard with either pregnancy:

1. "Your life is going to get sweeter the moment your child is born.  And it's going to get exponentially sweeter with every moment from that point on."

2. "You're about to find out that you're capable of loving someone more than you ever thought possible."

3. "And you're even going to love how your heart aches because you do love them so much."

4. "Oh, and there will be some hard times, by the way..."

5. "But it's oh so worth it."

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some things I loved about v-day 2009

1. Sleeping late with a cuddly little boy.

2. Chocolate doughnuts for breakfast.

3. Lunch and lazy stuff-doing around town with my two favorite men in the world.

3 1/2. Lots and lots of little bump-bump-bumps from the inside.

4. Not rear-ending that person because GEEZ, I 'bout had a heart attack.

5. Feeling completely justified in spending way too much on balloons for the Kiddo because he loved them so much and spent a good portion of the evening playing with them.

6. Washing red paint off of his sippy cup after helping him make a V-day card for Mam-Ma and Poppy.

7. Being home all night with my sweet little family.

............

8. Oh, and a box of Russell Stovers and When Harry Met Sally didn't hurt anything either.

<3

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All you ever wanted to know...

I decided to refrain from doing this on a Facebook note the way most folks have been doing it here lately.  I wanted to make it a little more in depth, so I put a little bit of time into it and it's turned into a rather lengthy blog post.  So, here are your 25 "things" about me...

1. Probably one of the most shaping experiences of my life was attending a tiny Christian school from 5th grade through graduation.  The first classroom I sat in was a rearranged Sunday School room with 4 students; the rearranged Sunday School room next door had 2 students.  I was half of my graduating class in 2004.  You can read more a little more about it here if you want...

2. Prior to attending the aforementioned private school, I was homeschooled.  My dad did a few science experiments and helped with math stuff here and there, but mainly my mom was my teacher.  Those years probably held the most shaping experiences of my life.  I owe every academic success in my life to my mother.  She was a hard task master, but it's made me who I am now... and, hey, I like who I am now.  You can read more about my homeschool days as well in the link I added above.

3. I have been looking forward to homeschooling my own children since way before the kiddo was even born.  I have no desire to send my children to the private school I attended.

4. My first job was at a little country grocery store about 5 miles away from my home.  After calling in to ask off of my Sunday shift one day so I could attend a church service, I quit on the spot when my boss basically told me I would have to choose between church and my job.  I had worked there around 9 months.  That was probably one of the hardest days of my life, but I'm not sorry I did it.

5. It is a rare day indeed that I don't cook something.  It may not be a full spread or a big meal, but my stove/oven almost never gets a day off.

6. I keep a supply of homemade bread on hand and my family doesn't really eat store bought anymore.  I also like to make my own spaghetti sauce and guacamole, although I don't always keep these around.

7. I like the transition between seasons more than any particular season itself.  I like every season in some always changing rank that always has winter coming in last.

8. Throughout my life I've said and thought that one of my defining personality traits was that I liked and was good with all kids in general.  I've learned recently that I'm not at all.  I'm good with and I like a few kids in particular, most of those being within my own family.  Other than that, I can pretty much do without them.

9. The discovery in #8 led me to realize that one of the only professions I ever thought of doing - teaching - is nothing I'm interested in doing at all.

10. Upon graduating high school, I had big plans of being an English major and one day teaching high school or college level English.  I married ye olde hubby with one 1 year of college under my belt and my desire to get that degree diminished somewhat.  After 2 years of varying class loads, we found out we were going to have the kiddo and my desire to get that degree diminished even more.  Nine months and a baby later, my priorities reordered altogether and I took the final class I needed to complete a General Studies Associates Degree.  I haven't regretted it for one nanosecond.

11. If in some alternate universe I wanted to and was able to go back to school now, I would be interested in my alma mater's nursing program or in the local technical school's ultrasound tech degree.  If I ever do go back to school, I know it will be 20+ years from now, so who knows what I might be interested in at 45-ish years old.  Yikes...

12. I do laundry every day except Saturday and Sunday.  I go by a schedule... you know, like, Towels on Monday, Socks and Whites on Tuesday, etc.  My schedule is on a white board in the laundry room.  I've found this is the ONLY way I can stay on top of it and not have my house overtaken by scarily huge piles of dirty clothes.  In other words, I've forced myself into quite a few OCD tendencies in order to keep my house neat.

13. Here's my parenting philosophy in the nutshell: I think kids are people, too, and should be treated as such.  I don't like it when adults patronize and even lie to children for the so-called sake of their happiness or because it makes their own lives easier.  Babies come into the world barely knowing how to breathe on their own; I think it's ludicrous to expect them to "self-sooth" and be happy without human contact when that's all they've known for the past 9 months.  I don't think "why" constitutes "talking back" or that "because I said so" constitutes an answer; a child deserves to know reasons for what's expected of them.  I do believe in spanking, but I think that once a kid gets to be a certain age there are other much more effective methods of discipline.

14. I don't trust people easily, am naturally "careful" with my confidences, and tend to expect the worst of people.  It may seem unhealthy and/or pessimistic, but my judgement rarely points me in the wrong direction and it's not often that I'm messed over or have my heart hurt.

15. Relative to #14, I know that I have a generally weird outlook on things, so the few people I've made real and lasting relationships with are especially dear to me because I know that they love me in spite of myself.

16. I don't gossip and I don't care for people who do.  One of the greatest lessons I've learned is to keep my mouth shut, listen, and maybe nod politely every once in a while.

17. My merciful Savior made me one of His own on Wednesday, July 14, 1999.  It was late (maybe even after midnight, thereby making it July 15... never really thought about that actually) and I was alone in my bedroom, stretched out across my bed.  I was 13 years old.  My experience that night isn't as sweet to me as some of the glorious things God has shown me since then, but I'm thankful for the quietness of the beginning of my walk with Him.  He knew just what I needed.

18. I like computer games... a lot.  I don't consider myself a "gamer"... I don't have time to be a full-on gamer, but sometimes when I just need to zone out, I love the doing-nothingness of a good mindless game.  I play for a little while now and then while the kiddo's asleep and I have time to relax.  I have The Sims 2 and one expansion pack that I can think of, but rarely play it anymore.  Most games I play now are time management or strategy games from Big Fish Games.

19. Practically everything I own has a price tag on it.  There are very few things I would refuse to part with if I were offered the right amount of money.  I have a lot of stuff and I like a lot of stuff, but I'm not incredibly attached to most of it.  Contrary to that, if it comes down to selling something or keeping it just in case I might use it again, I'll probably keep it.

20. Within the range of normal (meaning non-exotic) food choices, I'll eat pretty much anything.  There's not really anything that I absolutely detest and refuse to eat.  My favorite foods include pretty much any kind of pasta (as long as I have parmesan cheese), guacamole, chess bars/pie, and (I've discovered recently) apples with peanut butter and honey.  My drink of choice is water, but every now and then I just have to have a Diet Dr. Pepper.  Oh, and I have at least one chai tea latte per week (and they always talk me into the biggest size because "it's only 20 cents more" and I'm a pushover).

21. I've lived in 3 houses during my lifetime.  We moved away from the first one when I was around a year old, so I have no memory of it.  I lived in the second one from that point until I got married when I was 19 and I've lived in my present house since then.

22. "You got married when you were 19?!?!?!?" Yes, I did.  And no, I wasn't barefoot, pregnant, or any combination thereof.  I probably didn't even realize what a good thing it was for me to marry young at the time, but that's just one more way the good Lord has taken care of me.  No regrets here.

23. I attach smells to memories and vice versa.  One weird example... when I was around 11 or 12 I bought the first Spice Girls CD (I know, I know...) and some cappuccino flavored lip gloss during the same shopping trip.  To this day, when I hear certain songs from that album (which, ya know, isn't often since it's the Spice Girls) I can still smell that lip gloss.  My sad little brain...

24. I'm convinced that my husband is the best man in the universe... he has to be.  He's a good provider, an amazing daddy, and he puts up with my crap, which is saying a lot.  I know there's not a day that goes by when I'm 100% easy to live with and he just lets so many things go without complaining.  I think the best thing about him, though, is his ability to soothe me.  I always thought my parents would be the only ones on earth who could truly comfort me, but now I would rather have his reassurance than anyone else's ever.  Was that sorda mushy?

25.  If I never accomplish anything else in this life, being a mom is enough.  If I died tomorrow, I could say that I had done exactly what I wanted to do with my life and was 100% fulfilled.  Raising a child thus far has been the single most rewarding thing I've ever done.

The end.

And just to wrap this up... thinking of 25 things about myself was infinitely more difficult than I ever imagined.  This actually took me several days.  Does that mean I'm super complex or just really, really slow? Probably the latter...

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spending time with myself

It's been a nice evening.

After putting Scotty (and David) to bed, I took a bath... which isn't or wouldn't be anything too out of the ordinary, but I mean like a real sit-down-in-the-bathtub kind of bath... with bubbles and a towel-y pillow. I hadn't done that in a really long time because our bathtub, for whatever reason, refused to hold water... but since Scotty started taking baths in the tub we were forced to get one of those sink stopper-upper things, which enabled my bathing as well. It was lovely. I used Scotty's lavender soap, which somehow added to the allure.

After my bath and a thorough lotion-ing, I preheated the oven for a cookie. And while the oven preheated, I took off my cruddy looking bronze-ish toenail polish and put on my back-to-normal and brighter, I might add, pink. When my cookie (white chip macadamia nut, by the way) was done, I sat down with that and a glass of milk to watch The Holiday (which I enjoy because Kate Winslet is beautiful and British and Jude Law is amazingly hot and also British).

The best part of all this time spent with myself, though, was my line of thought while I was in my bath. It was odd and uncharacteristic because as I lay there looking at my toes Michelle-Pfeiffer-What-Lies-Beneath style, I noticed the stillness of the moment. No over-active, overly-aware crazy death-and-dying, planning my funeral or that of someone close to me, picturing torturous POW death-cell scenes. I actually had to think for a minute to remember what I had been thinking about. That in itself was more luxurious than the bath or anything else. Not that the bath was all that luxurious, mind you, since I don't exactly fit in the bathtub. The fact that I didn't fit in the bathtub brought me back around to what I had been thinking when I stopped to consider what I had been thinking...

I want a big bathtub...

and the big bathtub thought led to the wrap-around porch thought and the wrap-around porch idea led to the dum dee dum dee dum...

So, to wrap up this much-happier-than-usual-recently blog... here's a (you guessed it) list of all the stuff I want in my house someday:

-A big bathtub with jets and bubbles... I mean one that I can actually stretch my legs out in.
-And as long as we're in the bathroom... I want one of those big walk-in showers that are big enough to not need a door... with multiple shower heads... and one of those waterfall thingers.
-And since that would use a lot of water and I would want to be able to take ridiculously long showers, we would need one of those in-line water heaters.

...and 3's enough for now since it's 1 AM. I'll finish later.

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feeding the addiction

I like making lists, so while I'm up and totally alert at 12:26 AM, watching You've Got Mail after just having finished watching Sleepless in Seattle... I'm going to make a couple.

A random smattering of stuff I like:
You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle, therefore Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, movie lines which David only recognizes because I say them a lot, "Hello, Diane! Take a look at these swatches!," making up my own punctuation rules when I'm not feeling Nazi-ish about it, school supplies, asparagus ferns, asparagus if it's fixed right, the smell of fall and all those memories attached to it, wrapping presents, fresh flowers in my house, long-haired men (but also bald ones...), mohawks for some reason that I've never yet understood, words like ache and mouth and perambulation, chai tea, the idea of a book club, tobacco barns, reading before bed, handkerchiefs...

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